Virtue, Vice, and Too Many Hats!
Virtue, Vice, and Too Many Hats!
Anyone else stressed for Christmas?
I feel as though I’m behind with everything these days! But is that a bad thing?
The Golden Mean
The nicest and horriblest things in life are often different versions of the same thing. Bravery and foolishness. Health-consciousness and exercise addiction. Friendliness and flattery. Aristotle’s virtue theory postulates that vices are just insufficiencies or excesses of virtue. So, in a picture, you’d see a spectrum with the virtue in the middle, and the vices on either extreme. Here’s a graphic:
As my own boss, I sometimes find it difficult to hit the golden mean of virtuous diligence. One of the biggest benefits of doing part-time freelancing as a mom is that I can take a break whenever I want (as long as I don’t have upcoming deadlines). But it is also a potential pitfall. Because I don’t have a contract or a boss, there is always a temptation to slack off, or quit.
That’s the reason it’s important to have what some people call “your motivating why” or “mission statement” or “statement of purpose.” This acts as a measuring stick that will help you to determine whether you’re succeeding or not. It might also be helpful to think of it as a guardrail that keeps you treading the narrow bridge of the golden mean, instead of falling off either side into vice.
Freelancing Stress
One of the guardrails I set in my “why” when I started freelancing was that if it ever ate into quality time with my people, the people would take top priority. The last few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time on the phone with family and friends, discussing important stuff, from Christmas logistics to healing from past trauma. My baby is on the cusp of walking (!!) and my attention’s zoomed in on her because I don’t want to miss her first step. Even more than that, I’m anticipating her turning into a little girl soon. Although I’m excited to find out what’s going on in her acorn-shaped head, I know that once she is verbal, to me, she won’t be a baby anymore. Because of this, about five times a day, I’ll nuzzle my nose into her round tummy and cover her chubby legs with kisses. Once a baby, never a baby again. I’m determined to enjoy this stage while it lasts.
But spending more time loving people has meant that my already scanty hours of freelance work are shrinking even more.
I have one deadline on December 15th, and I feel like a shot soldier dragging myself across an open field with his fingernails.
These days, I aim to get each piece done a few days before the deadline in case something unexpected comes up. Gone are the college days when I had no responsibilities and could skip all my classes the day before, cuddle up in a blanket with a full pot of coffee and lofi beats, and zone in on my research. I don’t have that time, and I don’t have that control. Now, I am writing in 1-hour, random increments during naps and after bedtime. The nighttime writing only happens if my husband is also working; if he wants to hang out, I hang out because that has become an increasingly rare treat given the stressors of his PhD.
Too Many Hats
Women are stereotypically good at switching hats at the drop of a dime, but it can also leave us feeling like a cooked goose. Or at our worst, goose-liver pâté. Right now, I’m feeling pretty pureed.
My hats right now:
Talent manager to a very stressed PhD student, who needs pep-talks every day and can’t help out much or attend events with me and the baby.
Freelance psychology writer.
Full-time mom to an almost-walking (!!) baby.
Household manager / housewife (cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping).
Long-distance and in-person friend and counselor.
Full-time caregiver to myself (gotta fit showers and exercise into the schedule).
Church volunteer (actually, I just decided I’m not going to help wrap Christmas presents for juvenile detention inmates unless I can get Christmas presents for my family first).
Holiday logistics coordinator with both sides of the family and several friends.
Who—let me ask you—who is responsible for making me wear ALL these hats?
MEEEEEEEE.
Ugh. You know what? I am a mean boss and an overly-compliant employee wrapped up into an ugly, reindeer-print package with a bow on top, and this was just a mediation session with the rational writing side of my brain, and you got to witness a real case of split-personality disorder.
The writer’s verdict is:
“Boss, you need to tell your employee to take care of herself and her family first this holiday season and not worry about work and volunteering until January.”
“Employee, you can’t let your boss’s unrealistic, perfectionistic, comprehensive expectations dictate your sense of self-worth and drive you into a nervous breakdown. Talk back and establish a more communicative relationship.”
“Ok, the intervention has ended. You may return to your respective offices.”
Let’s all take a deep breath.
A Single Star
Above all this mess—the many hats, the deadlines, the messy house, travel plans, and unbought Christmas presents—shines a single star. It shines even in the daytime, when we cannot see it. But at night, when the sun sets and the world sleeps, the star rises into prominence in the dark sky, and we realize it has been there all along, unmoved and twinkling. It marks the town in which a baby shall be born, a child sent by God to bring peace to all men. He will kill the wicked with his breath, exalt the valleys and raze the hills. He will dismay all the schemes of men and set things right. He will save all of us unworthy sinners through his own goodness and power.
At Christmas, we celebrate his birthday.
I’m going to finish up my Dec. 15th article, bit by bit, and if I can’t get it done by deadline, so be it. This is the season of Christ’s coming, and to fill it with stress dishonors his name. Each of us has the power to make decisions that give our minds and hearts space to breathe.
And once we catch our breaths, we’ll find that we can sing.
Joy to the world, the Lord is come
Let Earth receive her King
Let every heart prepare Him room
And Heaven and nature sing
And Heaven and nature sing
And Heaven and nature sing!
Merry Christmas!
xo,
Amelia