Don't Be a Religious "Pick Me"
Hyperfeminism and hypermasculinism are both bad for women. On the battle of the sexes, Christ's first and second comings, and the Christian nationalist patriarchy.
A traditional Jewish prayer reads: “Thank you, God, for not making me a Gentile, a slave, or a woman.” If modern Leftists wrote a prayer in the same style, it might read: “Thank you, Mother Earth, for not making me a Trump-supporter, a stay-at-home mom, or a straight, white man.”1
The extreme Right tends to despise women. The extreme Left tends to despise men. Both are prideful. Both are wrong.
Between Christ’s Two Arrivals
During his First Coming, Christ exemplified archetypically feminine traits like compassion and self-sacrifice. When He comes again, He promises to embody the masculine traits of strength and power. As we dwell between His two arrivals, Christians must acknowledge His divinity in both.
When Christ came 2,000 years ago, He perfectly contradicted Thucydides’ maxim, “The strong do what they can and the weak suffer what they must.” He surrendered His strength to suffer in the place of the weak.
In our post-Christian, hyperfeminist society, even pagans approve this aspect of Christianity, the “upside-downness” of it all.2 But in today's society, the embrace of Christ’s self-sacrificial 'feminine' traits has led to discomfort with His prophesied return in power. Our hyperfeminist culture has accepted compassion, but only by suppressing strength.
Revelations 19 is bound to provoke pearl-clutching:
“He [Christ] is clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and the name by which he is called is The Word of God. And the armies of heaven, arrayed in fine linen, white and pure, were following him on white horses. From his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations, and he will rule them with a rod of iron.”
During his First Coming, Christ exemplified archetypically feminine traits like compassion and self-sacrifice. When He comes again, He promises to embody the masculine traits of strength and power. As we dwell between His two arrivals, Christians must acknowledge Christ’s divinity in both.
Only together do the masculine and the feminine compose adam, literally “the human.” Only together do we form the full image of God.
The Patriarchy of Christendom
Why is this group of Christian men so focused on discouraging the other half of the human race from joining in civil discourse?
Unfortunately, it seems that many Christians are reacting to the extremes of our hyperfeminist pagan culture by veering to the opposite extreme: patriarchy.
The main distinctive of the Christian nationalist movement is their postmillennial interpretation of Revelations. This future-looking focus removes emphasis from Christ as he came: “a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering,” in order to emphasize Christ as he’s prophesied to come: “with power and great glory” (Luke 21:27).
I wondered what this veer towards hypermasculinity might mean for women.
I found out in New Christendom Press’s episode The Patriarchy of Christendom. In it, podcaster and pastor Brian Sauvé forbids women to speak publicly on politics, ideas, or anything in the realm of intellectual debate. Oof. These guys have many great resources and ideas.3 I’d probably be friends with them if I knew them. But this is a major misstep.
His argument, as best as I can summarize, goes like this:
Woman’s physical softness reflects a deeper, more fundamental weakness in the core of her being. The woman was deceived by the serpent in Eden. If we let her loose in the ideological arena, she will be deceived by the serpents of leftist wokeism.
Eve was told “your desire will be against your husband.” Therefore, when men try to lead the culture in the right direction, women will pull in the wrong direction. We see evidence of this in the decay of the traditional family in modern America, which was led by brash suffragists.
Given woman’s ontological susceptibility to deception (1) and her tendency to oppose men (2), she must be constrained to the private sphere for the good of Christendom. Man’s glory is to shine God’s light in the world as he fights the darkness. Woman’s glory is to be hidden at home for her husband to enjoy.4
Pastor Sauvé is so serious about this that he only feels comfortable allowing his wife to co-host a homemaking podcast with him if he exerts complete control over the outlining, editing, and recording process.
Besides insulting women’s intelligence, this policy betrays a hypermasculine mistrust towards women no better than the extreme Left’s hyperfeminist mistrust towards men.
“Pick Me” Pride, Left & Right
One red flag I look for in any group is flattery. The difference between praise and flattery is that while praise is freely given, flattery’s given to get.
As a woman, I’m particularly wary of the age-old line, “You’re not like other girls.” It appeals to “pick me”5 impulse in us all, the part of a woman that seeks acceptance and validation at all cost.
Recently, I had the chance to interview a former nun about the mistreatment she suffered in the Catholic charismatic movement. An Argentinian priest told her she was special, that she was chosen, that she was better than all her peers. That’s how he got a new nun, one willing—under the vows of obedience and poverty—to do unpaid menial labor for six years.
I’ve fallen for that line too—in the opposite direction. It led me straight into trading eight shots of vodka on a frat-house floor and blacking out on my way back home. (Can you guess what the guy was after in this case?)
When a group of men flatters women by saying celibacy makes them special, it’s manipulative. Same for those who flatter women by saying it’s cool to sleep around. When men say staying home to raise immortal souls is the greatest calling on earth—and the next moment insist women must not vote—I see the same old line at play.
“You’re not like other girls. You’re better than those who must marry to put out the fire of lust.”
“You’re not like other girls. You’re better than those prudes who never have any fun.”
“You’re not like other girls. You’re better than the unmarried, the infertile, and the working moms.”
Nah. I’ll believe the One who told me:
“You’re just like other girls. No better than those you most despise. And I still think you’re worth dying for.”
Judge for yourself!
Just as Christ embodies both sacrifice and strength, men and women, together, reflect the full image of God. Any worldview that elevates one at the expense of the other diminishes the humanity of us all.
Am I saying to shun Christian nationalists? No. Silencing dissenting voices only hurts. Civil discourse is an edifying process. What worries me so much about the patriarchy of New Christendom Press is that, if they were in charge, my two sisters and I would be excluded from that process altogether.
Are they right or wrong to want this?
It’s up for you to decide, or at least, to think about.
As John Donne puts it,
To adore, or scorn an image, or protest,
May all be bad; doubt wisely; in strange way.
To stand inquiring right, is not to stray;
To sleep, or run wrong, is.John Donne, Satire III, On Seeking True Religion
Agree or disagree? Leave a comment for our edification. Please remember to be as polite as you would be at a family dinner.
Questions: What do female voices uniquely add to public discourse? Which view of Biblical sexuality is true—complementarianism, egalitarianism, patriarchy, or “none of the above?”
For an extensive, well-researched response to the more extreme end of the Christian nationalist movement, see Kevin DeYoung’s 2022 article The Rise of Right-Wing Wokeism.
For a compelling story of the economic and sociological changes that sparked the women’s movement, check out Reappropriating Feminism, Maternity, and the Woman’s Role from Mary Harrington on the Jordan Peterson podcast.
Socrates is also said to have given thanks, in a similar vein, that he was “human and not animal, man and not woman, Greek and not barbarian.” In Luke 18, Jesus tells the story of a Pharisee who prays, “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.”
In fact, after emptying the Christian ethos of Christ, they now worship upside-downness as god. Check out Tom Holland’s Dominion, perhaps the most mindblowing book I’ve read in the last 2 years.
Their podcast Haunted Cosmos is a fascinating and well-researched deep-dive into supernatural spooks.
This means exactly what you think: sourdough bread. (What? You were thinking something else? Get your mind out of the gutter!) Jk, jk—but also, one of the overt political strategies of Christian nationalists is to take over the government by having a wagonload of kids.
“A pick-me girl is a woman who obsessively desires male approval and validation, often at the expense of other women.” Dictionary.com
I find that, usually, if the progressives don't think I'm progressive enough and the conservatives don't think I'm conservative enough, I'm probably right where I should be -- which is where I think this article is, too ;D
My first instinct was to shudder and cancel Haunted Cosmos, which would break my heart, but that's such a Millenial/Gen Z cancel culture response of me.
Did you know that the word for "virtuous" in Proverbs 31 is originally the same Hebrew word used to describe King David as "valiant"? It's not some mousy, hidden-away idea of moral purity (not that I'm against moral purity), but rather, steadfast, unflinching fortitude. I wonder what some people would think of that.
As someone who was encouraged to relegate myself SOLELY to childcare and cooking roles in the Church (not just the church building but the Body of Christ, at large), I am only too familiar with the women-in-civil-discourse-hating mindset you were describing. I've seen how it causes women to despise, and sometimes eventually attempt to forsake, their gender. And I don't see Christ discouraging women to refrain from participating in civil discourse, either. Didn't the Samaritan woman at the well become His first, or one of His first, missionaries? Didn't He commend the Canaanite woman for challenging--CHALLENGING!!!!!--Him in Matthew 15?
I'm 100% preaching to the choir here, but I believe the hyper-conservative view of masculinity and femininity is every bit as political as the concept of gender being a social construct. It's just better disguised because it's easier to distort the Bible verses that way. And if that's what women are being told, doesn't it make sense that they no longer want to be women?
The Gospel from last Sunday (Mk 9:30-37): Apostles arguing over which among them is the greatest. Jesus says well if you want to be first, you have to be last of all and the servant of all. Then He takes a child and says "whoever receives one child such as this in my name, receives me."
Women and children are smaller, weaker, and—biologically speaking—the natural servants. Who "receives one child...in [Christ's] name," if not women first and foremost? The natural or biological position of women in society places them at the bottom, in a position of service to both children and men. In this Gospel Jesus is saying this is the first position. The servant is the first. The greatest. That is because Christianity is about dying for another and giving your life for another.
Women are biologically hardwired to do this. As such, they have a leg up when it comes to religion. They can of course decide not to serve, but for most women having a child instantly gives them the motivation to die for another person. They will willingly give up their lives and their interests without thought for the sake of their child. Men, on the other hand, are given more of a choice. Their biology does not do most of the work for them. They can either decide to serve the weaker and love the smaller as Christ loves and dies for His Church, or not. This is why men propose marriage. This is why men give their name (or not!) to their offspring. This is why men need religion more than women do. I think it is also why priests are male, why there is so much focus and discussion surrounding what men will and will not respect, who men will and will not listen to. It's all about the men because the focus of religion is men, because they are the more difficult to save of the two. Some Reformed theology and Christian Nationalism has this understanding of men and women upside down, as if women were more in need of religion, as if women were the object of all these laws and prescriptions and biblical proclamations. But that clearly isn't the case. Women are made in the image of God just like men, and of course they need salvation and a Redeemer. But men might need religion more, since their biology doesn't wed and accustom them to self-sacrifice in quite the same way. It is much more difficult for the obviously stronger, bigger animal to lay down his life and sacrifice himself for the weak, as Christianity asks us to do.