Loved this. When I left Instagram at the beginning of this year, this aspect made me feel more relief than anything:
"Now that I’ve left social media, I don’t know whether my acquaintances are good at self-marketing, whether they know how to pose in photos or construct an on-trend persona. I don’t get to believe they are my friends because I saw their wedding photos in my feed.
Instead, the people I meet are black boxes, mysterious and unpredictable. The only way to remove that mystery is to gradually unfurl to one another over a long process of walks, tea times, and conversations."
Because I no longer had to keep up with the social lives of others in a picture and caption.... I was free send snail mail or texts or ask questions of them after church or whatever, with a newfound sense of pure connection, which felt buoyant and true. I could interact with them untainted by posts outside the actual relationship.
Yes! Relationships “untainted by posts” is a good way to put it. It feels awkward and inhibiting to learn things about people in two parallel streams of online artifice and in-person spontaneity.
It is so badass you drove your car over your phone, but haha your parents probably didn’t let you hear the end of it! (Except maybe your dad gave you a nod of respect?) Or maybe siblings won’t let you forget?
I find media to be a way of avoiding hard work. It’s cheap and easy. Your comparison to porn is apt. I felt like it rewires my brain whenever I use it. I had to do a kind of cleanse this summer as a result.
Well…. The iphone had actually been a gift from an ex after I dropped my previous Samsung Galaxy in a stream while climbing a tree. So I guess by then my parents were used to me destroying costly things 😭
This was so well said. If your clarity of thought and beautiful writing are the rewards then you will start an exodus!
"Now that I’ve left social media, I don’t know whether my acquaintances are good at self-marketing, whether they know how to pose in photos or construct an on-trend persona. I don’t get to believe they are my friends because I saw their wedding photos in my feed.
Instead, the people I meet are black boxes, mysterious and unpredictable. The only way to remove that mystery is to gradually unfurl to one another over a long process of walks, tea times, and conversations."
Love this! I recently undertook a 40 day break from social media and YouTube etc and it has lessened all the noise so much! I am planning to be much more intentional with my use of it because to be honest I prefer not being a part of it, now. So quiet and peaceful. I love what you said about learning people in person. I came of age with social media in college and it has been so pervasively stretching it’s tentacles into everything for years.
This month long break has shown me how overwhelming and pointless it is for the most part (though I do enjoy reading some writings on the platforms which has been my reason not for leaving completely). Most of my friends want to untangle themselves as well and enjoy life in the real world instead ❤️ it’s so much more rich to just sit and experience life in the moment than on a tiny black screen.
It’s funny how while you’re in it, it seems so vital, but when you’re out, it seems so extra 😂 I guess the media developers and marketers are good at what they do (aka selling digital crack).
Yes! So very true. Cutting the cord or even just checking it less often shows you how little you actually need it. I do believe it’s intentionally designed to be addictive! Those dopamine hits keep us coming back for more. But as a YouTuber I love (Jessica Rothley) said, it’s the difference between an appetizer and a home cooked meal. An appetizer isn’t bad, once in a while, but it can’t fulfill your appetite like a full and healthy meal can.
That's life and that's love: "Comfort in someone’s company, long silences—in essence, real relationships—that’s what I’ve desired all my life." I commend you for committing yourself to this and savoring life as much as it's possible for you. I'm off most social media and the ones I do have I use sparingly and just live life. I feel so much strength and peace in doing so, too.
“Savoring life” is a good way to put it. I think writing is one of the best ways to do this fully! Experiences so often pass by too quickly to process, but when you write about them, you’re able to really suck the marrow from the bone and get to more of the rich meaningfulness of your life.
I really love your reminder that children teach us presence by their example, that Jesus responded to the disciples' bickering over who was greatest (and doesn't that remind us of social media?!) by exhorting them not only to welcome the little children but to be like them, AND the beautiful picture of your little one to illustrate all this. I wonder if there might be a few folks out there who would like to leave FB and IG, but feel they could use a support team of others doing the same. Anyone out there? Asking of course for a friend, who checked her Facebook twice while reading this article.
One thing I did to make leaving easier was leave my IG profile up with my email in case any more distant acquaintances wanted to stay in contact. Nobody's reached out so far, which has very much confirmed my decision.
I originally read this in School of the Uncomformed.
What a captivating read. I really enjoyed your writing.
As for "unplugging" I am in this phase of detoxing from a less than ideal relationship with social media, games and even whatsapp statuses. My emotions are too controlled by the roller coaster of other people's experiences.
It's been interesting, seeing how much more in control of my mental well-being I feel. Every day I get strong enough to leave it all behind. I think I might leave them there for potential business opportunities but I'm so tired of it all.
Ready to feel more paper and read there, eat healthier and get stronger holistically.
Thanks for reminding me that its not just possible, it's ideal.
How interesting about Whatsapp. I never understood why it was called social media, probably because it's not super popular with my social peers and is mostly used as a messaging app.
Amen to your observation about the roller coaster of other people's lives becoming intrusive. It's particularly insidious because empathy and other pro-social instincts are actually good! It's good to care about other people's lives! But tech erases all the natural boundaries that keep those pro-social instincts healthy.
Loved this. When I left Instagram at the beginning of this year, this aspect made me feel more relief than anything:
"Now that I’ve left social media, I don’t know whether my acquaintances are good at self-marketing, whether they know how to pose in photos or construct an on-trend persona. I don’t get to believe they are my friends because I saw their wedding photos in my feed.
Instead, the people I meet are black boxes, mysterious and unpredictable. The only way to remove that mystery is to gradually unfurl to one another over a long process of walks, tea times, and conversations."
Because I no longer had to keep up with the social lives of others in a picture and caption.... I was free send snail mail or texts or ask questions of them after church or whatever, with a newfound sense of pure connection, which felt buoyant and true. I could interact with them untainted by posts outside the actual relationship.
Yes! Relationships “untainted by posts” is a good way to put it. It feels awkward and inhibiting to learn things about people in two parallel streams of online artifice and in-person spontaneity.
It is so badass you drove your car over your phone, but haha your parents probably didn’t let you hear the end of it! (Except maybe your dad gave you a nod of respect?) Or maybe siblings won’t let you forget?
I find media to be a way of avoiding hard work. It’s cheap and easy. Your comparison to porn is apt. I felt like it rewires my brain whenever I use it. I had to do a kind of cleanse this summer as a result.
Well…. The iphone had actually been a gift from an ex after I dropped my previous Samsung Galaxy in a stream while climbing a tree. So I guess by then my parents were used to me destroying costly things 😭
This was so well said. If your clarity of thought and beautiful writing are the rewards then you will start an exodus!
"Now that I’ve left social media, I don’t know whether my acquaintances are good at self-marketing, whether they know how to pose in photos or construct an on-trend persona. I don’t get to believe they are my friends because I saw their wedding photos in my feed.
Instead, the people I meet are black boxes, mysterious and unpredictable. The only way to remove that mystery is to gradually unfurl to one another over a long process of walks, tea times, and conversations."
Thank you, Eamon! What an encouraging compliment.
Love this! I recently undertook a 40 day break from social media and YouTube etc and it has lessened all the noise so much! I am planning to be much more intentional with my use of it because to be honest I prefer not being a part of it, now. So quiet and peaceful. I love what you said about learning people in person. I came of age with social media in college and it has been so pervasively stretching it’s tentacles into everything for years.
This month long break has shown me how overwhelming and pointless it is for the most part (though I do enjoy reading some writings on the platforms which has been my reason not for leaving completely). Most of my friends want to untangle themselves as well and enjoy life in the real world instead ❤️ it’s so much more rich to just sit and experience life in the moment than on a tiny black screen.
It’s funny how while you’re in it, it seems so vital, but when you’re out, it seems so extra 😂 I guess the media developers and marketers are good at what they do (aka selling digital crack).
Yes! So very true. Cutting the cord or even just checking it less often shows you how little you actually need it. I do believe it’s intentionally designed to be addictive! Those dopamine hits keep us coming back for more. But as a YouTuber I love (Jessica Rothley) said, it’s the difference between an appetizer and a home cooked meal. An appetizer isn’t bad, once in a while, but it can’t fulfill your appetite like a full and healthy meal can.
That's life and that's love: "Comfort in someone’s company, long silences—in essence, real relationships—that’s what I’ve desired all my life." I commend you for committing yourself to this and savoring life as much as it's possible for you. I'm off most social media and the ones I do have I use sparingly and just live life. I feel so much strength and peace in doing so, too.
“Savoring life” is a good way to put it. I think writing is one of the best ways to do this fully! Experiences so often pass by too quickly to process, but when you write about them, you’re able to really suck the marrow from the bone and get to more of the rich meaningfulness of your life.
You’re so on point about that! <3
I really love your reminder that children teach us presence by their example, that Jesus responded to the disciples' bickering over who was greatest (and doesn't that remind us of social media?!) by exhorting them not only to welcome the little children but to be like them, AND the beautiful picture of your little one to illustrate all this. I wonder if there might be a few folks out there who would like to leave FB and IG, but feel they could use a support team of others doing the same. Anyone out there? Asking of course for a friend, who checked her Facebook twice while reading this article.
Yes, social media is such a status game!
One thing I did to make leaving easier was leave my IG profile up with my email in case any more distant acquaintances wanted to stay in contact. Nobody's reached out so far, which has very much confirmed my decision.
I originally read this in School of the Uncomformed.
What a captivating read. I really enjoyed your writing.
As for "unplugging" I am in this phase of detoxing from a less than ideal relationship with social media, games and even whatsapp statuses. My emotions are too controlled by the roller coaster of other people's experiences.
It's been interesting, seeing how much more in control of my mental well-being I feel. Every day I get strong enough to leave it all behind. I think I might leave them there for potential business opportunities but I'm so tired of it all.
Ready to feel more paper and read there, eat healthier and get stronger holistically.
Thanks for reminding me that its not just possible, it's ideal.
Glad to hear it was encouraging!
How interesting about Whatsapp. I never understood why it was called social media, probably because it's not super popular with my social peers and is mostly used as a messaging app.
Amen to your observation about the roller coaster of other people's lives becoming intrusive. It's particularly insidious because empathy and other pro-social instincts are actually good! It's good to care about other people's lives! But tech erases all the natural boundaries that keep those pro-social instincts healthy.
Best of luck on your quest for the Good Life.